• Queer Pleasure

How To Buy A Damn Dildo

Updated: Sep 29



Introduction:

No one sex toy is right for everybody and perhaps beyond that, not even every category of sex toy is for everybody. Penetration is not for everyone but for those who like it, buying non-motorized penetration toys--aka dildos--can be challenging whether it’s your first or 30th given the plethora of options on the market. While I find that as long is a vibrator is functional and safe it’ll get used somehow, dildos are a bit more complicated in that they require more effort on my (or my girlfriend’s) end of things and won’t get so much as a disapproving glance if they aren’t doing the trick for my body. Continue on to see how to buy a damn satisfying dildo, regardless of your specific needs. 


Safety

First and foremost, you need to be safe. Not orgasming can be frustrating but getting a fake dick stuck in your ass or a rash on your genitals is a hell of a lot worse. If you are not familiar with toy safety, let me give you a quick overview (click here for a more extensive version): your dildo should be made of body-safe materials like silicone, glass, abs plastic, or stainless steel and needs to have a base larger than the widest point of the toy if you intend to use it anally. Other than that, it’s about respecting your own body’s needs and being gentle. A size that is comfortable for one person may be painful for another or underwhelming even for a different crowd.


Price 

I am a firm believe in paying what you are comfortable with for sex toys. Sure I own some luxury items but most of those were gifted to me or sent my way for review. I am first and foremost a broke college kid, and I honestly don’t think I would spend more than 50 dollars of my own money on a non-vibrating dildo (okay, maybe 75 if it’s glittery but that’s still a stretch). Body-safe toys come in a wide range of prices from $15 to $200 and up. I will include suggestions in every price range at the end of this post, but I urge you to still buy safe toys even if you are on a budget as there are some really great options under the $25 dollar price point. It truly is possible! Set your price and stick to it, especially if you are newer to dildos (unless of course you have cash to burn, in which case, damn, gift me something)!


Size

I know that the typical saying is that size doesn’t matter but frankly, if you’re picking out and buying a phallus purely for your pleasure, IT REALLY DOES. Especially if you have previously had sex with penises with no say on their size, suddenly being met with a sea of options from tiny to gargantuan can feel like a lot. I suggest thinking about what you have enjoyed previously and experimenting with fingers a bit to see what feels good with your anatomy: do you derive joy from fullness created by more size in penetration? Do you enjoy long or short sizes in penetration? Do you enjoy a more modest size in penetration?. If you’re new to penetration, I HIGHLY recommend going with a dildo that is 1.25 inches in diameter or smaller (see below for some great options in this category). Don’t be a hero: starting small is the way to go and you can always size up if your first dildo isn’t quite ticking off your boxes.


Material

Body-safe dildos come in different materials—silicone, glass, and stainless steel are the most common but there are also varnished wood, ceramic, and abs plastic options. Glass and stainless steel are hard materials that can have some weight to them and do not bend with the body during use and they can conduct heat or cold better than silicone. Silicone on the other hand comes in a variety of “shores”—softnesses—from as hard as glass to super squishy. Harder materials will produce firmer pressure in use, be easier to keep in a harness, and can be easier to hold onto since they don’t wiggle so much. Softer materials will be gentler and move to fit the shape of one’s genitals more easily while providing less pressure and stimulation. Softer silicones will also feel more like a penis if that's your goal, though not all soft silicone toys feel like body parts; I say this as someone who has no personal interest in penis-replica dildos but loves some softer silicone. Dual density silicone specifically uses two different shores of silicone to create a toy that feels most similar to a penis. 


Your Uses

What’re your uses for a new dildo? Masturbation? Harness play? Anal? Something else entirely? Toys exist to fit many different sets of needs, but the easiest introduction to dildos is a body-safe dildo with a harnessable-base. This will make it suitable for masturbation, anal play, and harness play so that you have some options, should you choose to seek them out. 


Shape & Texture

These two come down to personal preferences. Some dildos are made to target the g-spot, prostate, or a-spot while others are made for easy insertion or overall stimulation. Personally, I love a good g-spot dildo (like the Uberrime Bene) as the rest of my vagina doesn’t feel as much pleasure from stimulation, and my ass just likes something easy to get in and comfortable to ride. Toys meant to target the prostate or g-spot will often have a curve and/or a sort of bulb to them meant to apply more pressure to the zones with more size or a targeted shape while a-spot toys will be longer to reach the top of the vagina. Dildos can come with no texture and be perfectly smooth or can be extremely textured to provide lots of stimulation. Personally, I find tons of texture sort of roughs up my vagina and doesn’t add a ton of pleasure but that’s just me. Below I’ve listed some great options ranging from no texture to more exaggerated texture.


Does It Spark Joy?

Last but not least, does it spark joy? You are investing in a toy to enhance your own pleasure: if you see a dildo and feel weird or uncomfortable (beyond shame sometimes associated with pleasure toys), it’s not the match for you. Plain and simple. For some odd reason, I felt a need to buy very phallic toys when I was first getting dildos, and they have remained mostly unused despite being objectively great as they simply don’t bring me joy. So go ahead, pick colors and patterns and shapes that make you happy. It’s not selfish or silly. 


Recommendations:


Small & Beginner Non-phallic Dildos 

Uberrime Minima 

Tantus Silk 

Avant P3


Larger Non-phallic Dildos

Blush Temptasia Dildos 

Uberrime Bene (or Small Splendid: bene is cheaper though and is the same exact shape)

Blush Avant Dildos


Phallic Dildos 

Blush Neo Elite Dildos 

Colours Dual Density Dildos 

SquarePegToys Lifecast Dildos 

Uberrime Realistic Dildos 


Glass Dildos

Pipedream icicles 

Chrystalino toys 


Textured Dildos

Split Peaches Screw You and Riveter Dildos

Tantus Tsunami and Groove Dildos

BMS Factory Tom Dildo


Non-textured Dildos 

Tantus Silk

Sedux by Sportsheets

Wet For Her Dildos 


Super Squishy Dildos

Tantus Super Soft dildos

Uberrime Soft and Squishy 

Hankey’s Toys Soft and Squishy



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I'm A. (she/her/hers), a clueless lesbian and blogger. I started this blog because I grew up in a small town where sex--especially queer sex--wasn't talked about. I was a determined youngster and managed to scrape the bottom of the internet barrel to find the information I needed (and later, the information I wanted). Now that I've learned a bit about queer pleasure in all of its forms, I wanted to create the resource I wish I'd had; a place where I could read about someone else's experiences and learn about sex from a pleasure-centered perspective. If you have a question about something or want me to cover a certain topic, just shoot me an email! Chances are, I've been there and would love to help or at least offer some moral support, and who knows, maybe others could benefit from a post about it. 

 

Stay safe, be gay, and abolish the police, 

A.

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