• Queer Pleasure

Femme Fun Cadenza Review, Courtesy of The Vibed

Self-thrusting sex toys are relativley new to the game. Fuck machines have been around for awhile but resemble (both in size and noise) powertools: nothing about them is subtle or portable. A few years back, German manufacturer Fun Factory did something special, creating the handheld cousin of full-sized fuck machines (I have yet to try these toys called Stronics, but hopefully I will soon). This, rather unsurprisingly, inspired other companies to create self-thrusting toys, the newest and cutest iteration of which is the toy I’m here with today: the Femme Fun Cadenza.

Femme Fun is a relativley new company that specializes in fun exteriors and powerful motors for femme-centered pleasure and the Cadenza fits right in with their other products: IT IS GODDAMN STRONG and visually-appealing! But enough rambling, let’s get to the review and demo. 


  • 7 thrusting speeds (no patterns)

  • Splashproof

  • Made of silicone 

  • Hooked tip for g-spot action 

  • 10 inches long (7 inches insertable aka the silicone portion)

  • 1.7 inches max diameter

  • Decently loud and heavy (this is inevitable with self-thrusting toys but worth noting)

  • $179.99 ($153 with code QUEER15 at The Vibed)

But, What Do You Mean It *Thrusts*?

If you are trying to visualize how the Cadenza compares to manual thrusting, it’s not the same. The motor of the Cadenza moves the top two inches of the toy, moving less than an inch back and forth. This does not feel like a dildo, fingers, or penis being thrust into your body. It’s much more mechanical but also has some real THUMP behind it that will still move the end of the toy when it’s being tightly clenched inside of you. 

Since there are seven speeds, I’ll compare them to heart rates as I feel that will be easiest to consume. The first is low and slow, a resting heart rate somewhere in the 50-80ish BPM range (these are my best guesses). The second, third, fourth, and firth speeds increase evenly by about 20 BPM per speed. The six setting feels like quite a jump up from the fifth, and increases enough to feel like machinery more than a heart rate: it’s fast. The seventh setting is truly like a jackhammer and would be alarming as a heart rate, suggesting some sort of severe cardiac arrest. It is, again, a big jump up from the sixth setting and not for the faint of orefice. It’s not subtle or natural, it’s insane power. Whether or no that’s a good thing is subjective but the shallow, fasts thrusts of this toy scream “squirt!” **personally, I cannot squirt but I have a feeling this toy would be great for squirting).**

Demo Video:

Ideal Uses:

Does your orefice like gentle caresses and soft massaging, perhaps even squishy dildos to clench around? If so, this may not be the toy for you. It’s made of firm silicone, strong as hell, and its thrusts are unrelenting. I would love to try putting a silicone cock sheath over the Cadenza to see how it feels with a squishy silicone exterior and some more girth (since that’s more inline with my interests). 

Do you enjoy strong g-spot, p-spot, or a-spot stimulation in quick motions that really target your preferred internal erogenous zone? Do you like a hooked curve in your insertable toys? The Cadenza might just become your best quarantine buddy. This thing can really pound into you with little effort on behalf of the user: a refreshing change if you’re used to hands cramping up from use or just want to treat yourself.


I am incredibly lucky to be housemates with one of my best friends who is a lovely sex positive and queer individual. They often help me with work-related things such as positioning dildos on our balcony and in the case of this review, noise tests. While I am personally indifferent to how loud the Cadenza is, it seemed worth researching since I know many of my readers are concerned with privacy. According to my very official experiments, the Cadenza can be heard through closed doors, from the next room over on speeds five, six, and seven and I would say that the walls in my apartment are average if not a bit thing. Put on a white noise machine and you may be able to pull off speed five undetected but the chances of a roommate, neighbor, et all, hearing settings six and seven are pretty high in my opinion. If you want to be able to use this baby in stealth mode, maybe take it in the shower or throw on some loud-ish music.  The Cadenza may also produce loud noises from the user: not a bad thing, but again, I like to be thorough.

A Note On Price:

The Femme Fun Cadenza is expensive, but it's one of the few toys I feel justifies such a high price tag. It’s a really unique product, well-made, aesthetically pleasing, and I honestly have no qualms with it. Additionally, self-thrusting products tend to be in the $150 and up price range. Hopefully, brands will start to catch on and make more affordable, mainstream options in the coming years but for now, I think the price of the Cadenza is quite fair. I wouldn’t recommend this as a first toy since it’s pricey and intense but for folx who already own a few toys and are willing to spend a bit more for something intense, I would highly reccomend it. 

Bottom Line:

Overall, the Femme Fun Cadenza is a fantastically strong, self-thrusting toy in an aesthetically pleasing package. Click here to buy it and use code QUEER15 for 15% off this toy and the entire selection at The Vibed!

The Femme Fun Cadenza was sent to me by the wonderfuol folx over at The Vibed in exchange for my honest review. As per usual, all my opinions and statements are 100% my own. If you’d like to send me a product for review, go to the Work With Me page to get in touch.

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I'm A. (she/they), a clueless queer and blogger. I started this blog because I grew up in a small town where sex--especially queer sex--wasn't talked about. I was a determined youngster and managed to scrape the bottom of the internet barrel to find the information I needed (and later, the information I wanted). Now that I've learned a bit about queer pleasure in all of its forms, I wanted to create the resource I wish I'd had; a place where I could read about someone else's experiences and learn about sex from a pleasure-centered perspective. If you have a question about something or want me to cover a certain topic, just shoot me an email! Chances are, I've been there and would love to help or at least offer some moral support, and who knows, maybe others could benefit from a post about it. 


Stay safe, be gay, and abolish the police, 





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