• Queer Pleasure

Butt Stuff For Beginners

Updated: Sep 29, 2020


Even amongst my more sexually adventurous friend circles, butt stuff stills seems to carry some level of stigma and concern. I am here to say that, while you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do, butt play can be a really wonderful thing for people of all genders and sexualities. I wanted to create an easily digestible guide for anyone looking to try butt play since it's seldom covered in sex ed classes, and I know I personally didn't feel comfortable asking my OBGYN about it. If you want to read about my first *successful* attempt at butt play, click here.

The Five Commandments of the Ass

  1. Use Lube Liberally 

  2. Start Small

  3. Easy Big Spender

  4. Flared Bases or Bust

  5. Normal Rules with Sexploration Still Apply

Use Lube Liberally 

The butt does not self lubricate like some sex organs. Even if you are someone who wouldn’t normally use lube, it is absolutely necessary for anything going in your ass. Trust me: I tried butt play without lube many years ago and cried. If you’re unsure of what lube to get, a simple water based, unscented lube like this one will be fine for pretty much any use. Click here to go to my lube guide if you’d prefer to shop around a bit more or just have questions. You can pick up lube from any sex toy retailer or your local Walmart, CVS, Rite-Aid, grocery store, et all, generally near the condoms and tampons. If you feel uncomfortable buying lube in store, that is totally understandable and fine. You can order it online instead. 

Start Small

An unexplored butt is tight. If you start with a toy that is big or super textured, you may experience some discomfort. Here is a set of inexpensive butt plugs that are great for beginners; they’re made of body-safe silicone, have nicely flared bases (see Flared Bases or Bust below for why this is important) and are tapered, making insertion easier and more comfortable. Here’s another great option in case those don’t peak your interest. I recommend starting with slim plugs rather than dildos, fists, fingers, or penises. This is because plugs were designed to be an easy and comfortable first butt toy whereas those other things may be too big. I’d also like to note that you do not have to put stuff other than plugs in your butt. Anal sex does not need to be a goal to enjoy butt play.

Easy Big Spender

Luxury and artisan sex toys can be really wonderful and last a lifetime, however, I don’t recommend spending tons of money or fancy toys as your first butt plug. Butt play isn’t for everyone and it’d be a shame to spend serious money on something you end up not liking. I also don’t think that weighted or vibrating plugs make for ideal first plugs. It’s just a lot to introduce to your butt all at once. Start simple and affordable (but make sure that your toys are body safe). 

Flared Bases or Bust

As I’ve said in previous posts, the butt is a blackhole of pleasure. Your butt can and will “suck” in toys if they do not have flared bases. Flared bases are, simply put, bases on insertable toys that are bigger than the largest point on the toy to keep the toy where it’s meant to be. Here are some photos of flared bases so you can see what they look like. 

Credits: Photo 1, Photo 2, Photo 3.

Normal Rules with Sexploration Still Apply

Start with another form of play that you are comfortable with (my choice tends to be a strong vibrator). This will help your muscles relax and help you get in the mood. Make sure your toys are made of body safe materials and above all else, pay attention how you’re feeling. If something hurts, take a break and try again another time. There is nothing wrong with respecting your body’s needs.

A Note On Mess

Poop comes out of your butt. It is entirely possible (though it doesn’t happen often) that some amount of mess happens. All forms of sex and masturbation can be messy but if you’re especially worried, just plop down a towel. Personally, I like to poop before I do any butt play so that I know I’m all cleared out. Here’s an article that addresses poop in butt play if you’re interested (it’s #6). 

Bottom Line

Butt play can be a wonderful thing to incorporate into mastubration or sex for anyone. Make sure that you start slow and with the right tools. Have a great day y’all.

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I'm A. (she/they), a clueless queer and blogger. I started this blog because I grew up in a small town where sex--especially queer sex--wasn't talked about. I was a determined youngster and managed to scrape the bottom of the internet barrel to find the information I needed (and later, the information I wanted). Now that I've learned a bit about queer pleasure in all of its forms, I wanted to create the resource I wish I'd had; a place where I could read about someone else's experiences and learn about sex from a pleasure-centered perspective. If you have a question about something or want me to cover a certain topic, just shoot me an email! Chances are, I've been there and would love to help or at least offer some moral support, and who knows, maybe others could benefit from a post about it. 


Stay safe, be gay, and abolish the police, 





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